right now | april 2014

Right now, today, I have been 50 for one month and I think it's all going to be okay. It wasn't really turning 50 that was an issue, it was saying the word fifty, it's just as nice a word as forty. It sounds old. And when you tell someone you're fifty, they look at you differently thinking, "50 is old."

That will in no way stop be from making the next ten years really, really good. I AM ready.

april  |  4.24.14

still very, very sad that our Papa is gone, but learning to move through the grief

on the to do list
a desperately needed schedule for weekly chores, my system is failing me

my guilty pleasure
taking the time to read books for pleasure when I should be doing housework

enjoying the mud porch...birds chirping, the sweet sound of the creek and a Spring breeze

dreaming about
Zach moving back home, hopefully sooner than later

grateful for
the strength of my marriage and being able to lean on one another 100%

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right now 2014 archives
january february march april may june july august september october november december 


  1. You do not look 50 at all, if that counts for anything, I would had said younger, a lot younger. I am so sorry for your loss. While I know people would say it gets easier, it does and it doesn't, but you learn to live with the grief and learn to cherish the memories xx. Ugh when you figure out your schedule share your secret, lol!

    1. I'm still working on the schedule Kellie, I think I need to do like my Mom did and assign days to specific chores...as boring as that sounds. What is terrible, is to suddenly be blindsided by a memory or thought of Papa at unexpected times and be totally lost in tears and grief. I suppose it will get better, as they say, but it won't BE better. And it sounds as if you are speaking from personal experience, which I am so sorry for.

    2. I completely get that. I lost my younger brother to a car accident when he was 17, just shy of 18 and I was 20. I'm now 31 and to this day a memory can bring me to tears. I am hear if you ever just need to chat about anything and everything :)

  2. I'll turn 60 this year and I feel the same - it just sounds so old. I'm turning my thinking around by thinking of it as a banner year - the year I turn 60, the year I retired (this past January), and the year I became a grandma! Much more positive.

    1. The year you became a Grandma...makes turning 60 so worth the wait and the experience! Lucky you!

  3. Great news about Zach!!! Keeping my fingers crossed for U.

    1. Hazel, there are a few readers {and friends} I have that I knew would totally understand that "right now" moment. Thanks for noticing and always keeping our family in your thoughts. Zach is calling and keeping in touch so much better these days, your words of advice were so true!

  4. Oh, thank goodness. I've just turned 47 and am already dreading the big five-oh so much I'm considering becoming a hermit and living out my days in a cave. Except my husband and two kids object to that, so there's that. I was totally open to turning 40, and even 45. But 47? I don't like it at all.

    1. I am okay with turning the age of 50, Sharon, but saying the word fifty just sounds so much older. So far, so good though. It's all good, you'll see!


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